Having a healthy relationship with someone with a slow reader/learning disability

 Hi, my name is Girard Sagmiller, and I’m dyslexic and a slow reader.  I have traveled across the country, speaking to groups about learning disabilities, after writing the book Dyslexia My Life.  Up to 30% of people in the United States have a learning disability, or better called a learning difference.    I have noted that most of these people have a lot of sentimentality in their lives and relationships.  The items I’m about to list are ones I have noted and discussed with other LD adults.  I hope this helps the spouse, loved one, or friends better understand an LD person.

 One, the world of written text is not the way they think; they are 3-dimensional thinkers, everything in their mind flows in pictures, and to get a thought out, they need to find a word that matches the picture in their head.  Most of an LD person's life is spent avoiding words, mainly in writing. (I just have an overwhelming need to express, so I have to write.) So, in short, reading and writing are painful, and how does this affect a relationship

You might be asking the LD person, “Why are you doing it that way?” Because the LD person does not learn the same way as 70% of the population, and most school systems teach only to that 70%, the LD person has to learn to bend the rules and be creative to teach themselves.  I always tell the LD kids I talk to, it's like you're running a track race with all your classmates, but in your lane, you have hurdles.  The hurdles are that you learn differently, but an Olympic hurdler can outrun most people without hurdles. You have to use your talent to be agile, find out how you learn best, and jump those hurdles.   So if you’re a rule person, stop at a yellow light, ect, the LD person will drive you nuts, because being the rules is how they get through life.  It's not that they don’t love you; this is just survival for them. So don’t lay down rules, like don’t call me late at night, walk through the reason instead of finding a reason to yell at them.

 Please, please don't call them dumb or slow, or say "duh". As a kid, it's hard to grow up; these names get ingrained in your childhood by other kids.  My pet peeve is when someone says, "Duh," after I say something; it just lights my fire.  You would never (hopefully) call any other minority by some detractor name, so why do this…  Years of hurt don’t just disappear because they love you, and these types of things shouldn't keep you from having a relationship, of any kind, with someone.

 Give them space to be themselves, whether it's the garage, their bedroom, or anywhere in their house.  As a kid, I would crawl up into the attic of my home just because my mom couldn't climb up there and take down my area.  I need my space. I would take apart motors and keep parts; mom would throw them away, same with rocks. This was something I excelled at, but it made too much of a mess for her. I need some way to unwind. Let them have their own space to unwind and be by themselves, a hideaway, most of the time. If it’s too messy for you, that's the sign that they want to be alone in that place. It takes energy for an LD person to concentrate, like driving a car on icy roads, and sometimes LD people just don’t have the energy.  Leaving them to run out and walk away.  I went so far as to put locks on my door when I was in high school.  I had one lady I dated who wouldn't let me have my alone time; it made me very cranky, doing anything just to get in my space. A good friend who knew me would just say, “You go off for a while, and when you feel better, just come back then, and we can talk."